Run, Steph, Run!

It’s been five days since my last run, which was a very short two-miles. The sun was beating down without any wind, making it feel like 100 degrees. And I was on vacation! I skipped my long run this past week and a bit worried about getting back on track in training.

Had a realization that my perfectionism is getting in the way with this training goal. I keep telling myself that the conditions have to be perfect in order to go out and train. Then I get discouraged and talk myself out of it. Well, here’s to putting the last week of non-running (and negative self-talk!) behind me and moving forward with the next three months.

Alright, signing off and lacing up!

Just do it! …tomorrow? Motivation woes.

After the epic/traumatic 15-mile run/walk on Monday, my body was in major need of recovery. It seemed reasonable for me to take yesterday off, but when it came down to actually doing my short 3-mile run today, I was stuck in “Blah” mode. You would think that five weeks into my 18-week marathon training program, I would be in a “just do it!” groove. Instead, I find myself hemming, hawing, and making excuses for why I can’t do my long runs on Saturday or Sunday (the last two have been on Mondays) or why I can just skip one of my mid-week short runs. 

I end up feeling anxious about running, then beat myself up for my lack of willpower and motivation. More interestingly, I’m baffled. A major reason that I fell in love with running over the last two years was that I had learned how to discipline myself and to do so in a way that was not just painless but shockingly enjoyable! I would wake up at 7am, get my gear on, and jog over to Lake of the Isles with a spring in my step from the feeling of accomplishment of just getting up and out of the door at that hour. I relished my long runs, again early in the morning, looking forward to each goal to tackle. I never listened to music. All I needed were the songs of nature and the thump, thump of fellow runners on the Grand Rounds pathways. I felt empowered and strong, affirmed with every step.

But this time around with the new goal of doing 26.3 miles, not 10 or 13.1, I am feeling like a whiny loser. My thoughts and feelings frequently go to how difficult the run is going, how slow I am running, how humiliated I will feel if I cannot finish by the 6-hour time limit (or would somehow give up before the finish). My past experience training for other races suggests that I have the physical capacity and discipline to do these four-times-a-week runs, with this week’s 10 mile long run a challenge but not impossible. The problem is that my fears seem to be getting in the way. I’m a big believer in the mind-body connection, and this is definitely a situation where the two are not in harmony. Not surprisingly, I find myself in a very similar dynamic when it comes to my graduate school anxieties. Perhaps more self-reflection on the struggle with running will help me become more successful in school - and vice versa. 

I’ve considered training myself in relaxation and mindfulness exercises to help me run with more clear-headedness. If any of you have suggestions or advice, that would be appreciated. Because I still have 13 weeks to go, and I gotta get my head in the game!